When Home Alone, Do Not Rent:

Hello, hello!
As the newest member of this trifecta of scientific ladies, I feel it's only appropriate for me to add my own comments on what not to do/watch whilst alone at home. Molly obviously already covered TV shows, while Guy filled us all in on creepy alone thoughts, so I'm here to share the four movies you should not watch by yourself, late at night, or sometimes, at all. These don't comprise the usual scary movies that will clearly give you the creeps if watched alone (The Ring, Suspiria, etc.), but are instead films that I believe will leave you traumatized and shaking without a pal to share the experience.

1. Dead Man Walking- Yes, this is a deeply moving film with outstanding performances by fine actors, and I do believe that you should see it if you haven't. That said, if you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and watch it with somebody! Perhaps the experience of watching it alone wouldn't be quite as traumatizing for some of you, but if, like me, you saw a deceptively upbeat preview of this movie as a child, DO NOT BE FOOLED! Also, actually knowing what the phrase "dead man walking" means in the justice system would help you have more realistic expectations for the end of this movie than the cheery hope I naively held on to for the entirety of the film. This would also probably not make for a great date movie.

2. Monster- Again, great performances, directing, etc. Still not a good movie to watch by yourself unless sexual abuse, domestic abuse, and the increasingly messed up American justice system are issues you're totally comfortable confronting without a buddy to commiserate and pat your hand comfortingly. Along the same veins as Law & Order, this might also make you afraid to be all alone in your house/apartment/hovel, especially if you live in a big city (not that it's very likely that a traumatized, serial-killing prositute will break into your home, but it ups the creep factor, nevertheless).

3. K-19: The Widowmaker- Much as this movie might seem like another fun, action-filled Harrison Ford flick when viewing it on the Netflix website or at the movie store (for us old-school folks- I'm looking at you, Guy), the word "fun" really shouldn't come into play when describing this cinematic catastrophe. Is it important to understand the insane lengths to which the Soviet and U.S. militaries would go to destroy each other decades ago? Yes, absolutely. Is this movie a good way to learn more about that, especially when you are home alone? Sweet Saint Christopher, no! Any film that shows people vomiting their own melted teeth as a result of extreme radiation exposure not only makes it much harder to sleep at night with that image seared into your brain, but is also likely worth skipping entirely. If you really have the urge for a U.S. v. Russia movie starring Harrison Ford, just rent Air Force One for the millionth time, or maybe watch the History Channel and blur your vision enough that somebody in the grainy photos looks like Harrison Ford.

4. Fern Gully- Interestingly, small children would probably be completely okay watching this alone. As an adult re-watching this movie by myself, however, I was fully creeped out by the end. The difference between small children and me? Most small children do not know what Tim Curry looks like. Being able to actually picture Tim Curry saying the phrase "Like mother's milk" as the blob-like oil villain will make your skin crawl. Yes, it will crawl. This movie also falls under the category of "Movies That Seemed Way Cooler When I Was A Kid, And I Kind Of Wish I Had Not Revisited During a Particularly Nostalgic Phase In My Adulthood."

But what is, ironically, a fairly fun movie to watch home alone? Home Alone. Just the first one, though, not Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (if you're going to watch a crappy movie about New York, you might as well go whole hog and watch New York Minute).