Barbara Wawa interviews Lady Gaga

Barbara Walters' annual celebration of mediocrity, her "10 Most Fascinating People" special, airs tonight. Now, Ms. Wawa is already teetering on the edge of senility, but this year's flurry of non-heterosexual sexual expression is just about enough to make her concerned-looking head explode.
Ms. Wawa looks SO CONCERNED as she asks Lady Gaga about her sexuality, which she claims to have learned about by listening to Ms. Gaga's latest album (a hilarious thing to picture Barbara Walters doing). Ms. Wawa first asks if Ms. Gaga is bisexual, then asks if she likes men, then asks if she likes women-- implying that Barbara Walters is not quite sure what "bisexual" means. Look at her face when she asks "Have you had sex with women?" Such a patronizing, concerned face is only warranted if Lady Gaga actually Barbara's daughter, and she's 13, and she's been sneaking around.
The Lady Gaga stuff starts at minute 2.32. In addition to Wawa's panicked expression, Gaga's justifiably uncomfortable reaction is pretty fun to watch. Freaking out the squares-- just one more reason to love Lady Gaga.

Can't embed the video, but find it here.

Romantic Comedy Predicts Grim Future for Independent Media

Writing a feminist review of a popular romantic comedy is kind of like writing a grammatical review of an episode of the Wendy Williams show-- we all know it's going to be a train wreck, so it's probably not worth spending too much time thinking about. But sometimes, there's that one episode where Ms. Williams makes such a mockery of the English language that it moves you to action; and sometimes, there's that one romantic comedy that so destructively attacks feminist ideals that the only way you can get through it is to find a notebook and start writing.
Like many people, I know romantic comedies are clusterfucks in a whole lot of ways besides sexism, but sometimes when your boyfriend comes home with a bootleg copy of The Ugly Truth he got from his aunt, you say, "What the hell" and allow yourself to take a peek at the carnage. The basic premise is as follows: When the local TV news show that Katherine Heigl produces starts to suffer in ratings, her boss hires Mike Chadway to literally take over every segment of the news. Is Chadway a newsperson, you ask? Why, no, he's a Man-Show-Esque misogynist commentator whose sexually aggressive diatribes seem especially out of place alongside the show's two actual news anchors. Yes, many RomComs require a certain suspension of disbelief, but this one actually creates a world where all news reporting is replaced by a daily 30 minute segment of violent rantings and jello wrestling.
What I learned about the "Truth" the title speaks of can be summed up in the running list of quotes from the highly aggressive, misogynist, romantic lead Chadway, who, in the end, turns out to be right about everything. Keep in mind, he said all these things at work. In meetings. Or on television.

1. "When guys ask you hw you're doing that's Guy Code for 'let me stick my dick in your ass.'"
2. "Men like something to grab on to other than your ass." (in Spanish, couresy of the bootleg I was watching: "A los hombres les gusta tenes algo que agarrar.")
   
3. "Flicking your bean" (female masturbation reference)
4. "I've had sex with a lot of women, most of them conscious" (this was a different character, but still)
5. Vag, pussy, "I like a woman on top," "wet crotch" x2, "cock" x 15, gang bang, orafices...
   

And a list of action highlights:

1. Simulated hot dog blow job
2. Heigl accidentally gives her date a hand job at a baseball game. She spills soda on his crotch then rubs him off on the kiss cam. All the while she has no idea what she's doing.
   
3. She (for no reason) puts on vibrating panties before a work meeting, then some kid gets the remote, yada yada yada..... While giving a speech, TO WORK, she comes, twice. Everyone thinks the speech was a great success. Because she came. Twice.
   

The movie ends, confusingly, in a montage of hot air balloons. What is not confusing nor surprising, however, is that the movie also ends with the misogynist being right about everything. The strong career woman falls for his bad boy antics, and thus justifies and gives legitimacy to all the hateful, violent things he has said about women.
It seems that it's only acceptable to present a strong, independent-minded woman in pop culture if she is foiled by a stronger, traditional man (a la Jessie and Slater in Saved By the Bell). It is discouraging to see such a powerfully anti-feminist movie gross $200 million at the box office as recently as this summer. This review may come a few months late, but this method of undermining feminist characters is something we have seen and will continue to see, especially if people like Heigl keep taking such one-dimensional roles.

My strange double life as a Yuppie Mom

Hi there Schad Readers,

Molly here, out in New York. I haven't been contributing much to Schad lately, but that's because I've been in the midst of a job switcheroo. Here that, guys? A new job! IN THIS ECONOMY?? It's true, and I am a lucky gal. However, I'm still trying to process my previous job as a Nanny, or, as I liked to call it, Outsourced Child Raiser to the World's Wealthiest Children.

Now, this is a difficult topic to navigate. I, in no way, mean to dis Nannies themselves, nor do I mean to dis working mothers. But, as a nanny in New York, you get a glimpse into a world that, I believe, is starkly different than everywhere else the country-- essentially, Manhattan is a city of children being raised by people who are not their parents. I would be very interested to hear about what Chicago is like, or any other big metropolitan areas with big economic disparities, when it comes to raising children.

So, for the last year, I was to Yuppies as Jane Goodall was to the chimps; I, unshowered, poorly dressed, and slightly hungover, crouched amonst the wealthiest members of the New York animal kingdom and observed this strange species. And, in an ongoing series, I would like to share my findings. I learned a good deal about their eating habbits, mating habbits, and, most fanscinating, their child-rearing habbits.

I have already gone on far too long, so I will close today with just a simple Fun Fact, and come back tomorrow with an analysis of an article on gender identity written in Time Out New York Kids.

Yuppie Fun Fact of the Day: Rich People love cashews. They can talk about them for up to 20 minutes at a time.